


above the city lights

by luthorpolastri



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, no happy ending in sight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 16:06:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18369428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthorpolastri/pseuds/luthorpolastri
Summary: Lena writes a letter to Kara.





	above the city lights

I’m doing this, but I don’t know why. I could be doing something else, I should be doing something else, but I’m here writing this for you. However, you’re not here, not anymore. Jess said it’d be good for me to try and express my feelings in some sort of way, and although I see no point in it and think this is absurd, I’m willing to try.

So... Kara. There are plenty things I wanted to talk to you about. Plenty things I wanted to tell you. Except that we had no time. We first met during that interview with Clark Kent and you never knew this and now never will, but I was attracted to you since then and it took me a long time to realize it. When I finally did, it was too late. I was attracted to you since I saw your sky-blue eyes starring right back into mine. And I had this feeling that you’d be trouble, but I couldn’t help but be amazed by you and your sunny smile.

You were as stubborn and determined as I am. You were courageous. You never stopped defending what you believed in, even when it could potentially get you hurt. And you did get hurt so many times trying to defend this planet that’s so undeserving of you. No one could stop you, even though everyone tried when it was too dangerous. Hell, you were smart and pretty and so annoying. I wanted to hit your head against a wall whenever you blew out your powers on purpose, but I was still so attracted to you. And that attraction pulled me to you in a way that all my life before that point seemed to really belong in the past. Because you were there for me when the time came. And you believed in me. You never stopped believing in me. No one ever stood up for me like that, and your belief that everything is good and kind and that is one of the things I love about you.

And then there was that night. The night we happened.

It was late at night, we were both tired, and you called me because this article was really bugging you. We were silent for a very long time, seeking comfort in the silence, and, suddenly, you invited me to your house. I never thought I could be so nervous just because of an invitation, but it had a hint of... something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

So, I got the keys of the Rolls-Royce and drove as fast as I could. And even though I arrived within ten minutes, I couldn’t just go and meet you. I was afraid of what could happen if I went upstairs, afraid of what I would do if I went there. So, I took the stairs and stared at the door for a long time, trying to get a hold of myself and the rhythm of my fast-beating heart, but then you opened the door and grazed me with that bright smile of yours and I just had no choice. I followed you in.

I followed you in, but I couldn’t say a word. I literally couldn’t. You were... beautiful. You were so beautiful, and I wanted to touch you more than anything else. So, I tried to keep my distance and stay far away from you, but you seemed to notice and then you kissed me. You kissed me. I don’t know why you did that, but you kissed me, and it felt so... So.

I was startled and surprised, but I couldn’t let you go. If that was probably going to be the only time I kissed you, I figured I might was well make the leap. So, I put all my heart into that one kiss, and you didn’t stop me. And it finally seemed like the right pieces were falling into their respective places because I had never felt so happy in my entire life. A phone ringing brought us back to Earth, and you to your Supergirl duty, and it was the beginning of us. 

Then, a few months later, after everything we went through together, Reign happened, and you put yourself at risk to save me from her. A noble gesture, if it hadn’t killed you. I know you promised you would always protect me, I would have done the exact same for someone I loved. I would have done the exact same for you. But you shouldn’t have put yourself at so much risk. You shouldn’t. You should have just let me die because every time I close my eyes I see her killing you. Every single time.

I ran and tried to help you, but it was useless. You talked to me, at least you tried to. And you said you loved me. You said you loved me. I... I was terrified and relieved. You loved me. And I loved you back so badly. I cannot put into words how much I loved you. How much I love you. But we never had time to say it to each other. Not properly, anyway.

The whole point of this letter is... I just wanted you to know how much I loved you, Kara. I wanted you to know how much I cared about you. You were my heart, and in some ways you still are. For quite some time, you were the one who kept me going. And I can never thank you enough for that. I love you. I love you and I miss you. I miss you so much.

I wish you could read this. I wish I could speak to you one more time. I wish I could wake up in the middle of the night and realize this was just a bad dream. Because you would be there to hold me always. You would be able to comfort me and never let me go. You would be there. But this is not a nightmare. I had to bury you while your family mourned near me. I had to look into your sister’s eyes, asking me why I didn’t do more. 

There’s been a year since you died. Exactly a year has passed since the last time I saw your bright blue eyes. Jess convinced me to write this for you and it hurts more than anything else because I’m not sure if I’m ready to or if I want to forget you, or if I want to remember all we lived together over and over again. I’m still not sure of anything. The only thing I’m sure is that I want you back.

And I love you. I love you with all my heart, with all my being. I love you.

And I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I told you everything was going to be okay and it turned out to be a lie. I’m sorry.

I hope I can see you again someday. I hope we can be together again someday.

I love you, Kara, my ray of sunshine.

I love you.

You will always be my hero.

Lena

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. I wrote this with another ship in mind and as I was rereading some things I wrote I adapted it to Supercorp because why not.


End file.
